Groucho: “…where is your husband?”
Miss Teesdale: “He’s dead.”
Groucho: “I’ll bet he’s just using that as an excuse.”
Miss Teesdale: “I was with him to the end.”
Groucho: “No wonder he passed away.”
Miss Teesdale: “I held him in my arms and kissed him.”
Groucho: “So it was murder!”

Chico: “What is it that has four pair of pants, lives in Philadelphia, and it never rains but it pours?”

Groucho: “I could dance with you till the cows come home.  On second thought I’ll dance with the cows and you come home.”

Groucho: “Excuse me while I brush the crumbs out of my bed: I’m expecting company.”

Groucho: “And remember, while you’re out there risking life and limb through shot and shell, we’ll be in here thinking what a sucker you are!”